


It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends

by kellbelle



Series: Fenhawke 4lyfe [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Break Up, Depression, F/M, Heartbreak, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:36:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4768661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellbelle/pseuds/kellbelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karina Hawke's heart breaks. </p><p>Named after the song by Bright Eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "- Yeah you still kiss me sometimes... but it's just on the cheek.  
> You pull away so easily..."

He promised that he loved her. 

She remembered that night, only three months ago now, when they had fallen into a tangled mess of limbs in her bed. She had memorized every caress of his tanned hands trailing so tenderly across her skin. She could still feel his lingering kisses upon her lips when she pressed her fingers to them fondly. Every line of lyrium etched across his skin, the contour of the shadows that fell over his face in the dim light, the light pink lips that smiled at her whenever she dared meet them with her own, had all been embedded into her memory. 

Though she had been brokenhearted to watch him go, beneath it all she had understood. She could give her elf warrior all the time he needed as long as she could say that he was hers to love. Maker knows, he certainly had her believing so. That fateful night as she watched him leave, when she had cried out that she loved him and begged for him to stay, he had turned back to look upon her one last time. 

" _I am yours_." 

It was enough to get her through these long months. She promised herself that she could wait however long he needed and Karina Hawke always kept her promises. Fenris had given her more than she could have ever dreamed of and it was a gift she had cherished. Each night, she crawled into her bed comforted by the memory of him in it. She watched him accompany her on various missions sporting her red silk ribbon tied to his wrist and the Amell family crest donned on his armor. She thought she had felt his intense mossy gaze on her more than once and always smiled at him, assuring and loving. 

After the initial awkwardness following his departure, she had still come by to see him. She had even gifted him a book and offered to teach him how to read which he accepted wholeheartedly. She had dedicated any free time she had to teaching the elf how to write and read just in the span of two months. Oh but the looks he gave her when she read aloud to him by the fire in his rundown mansion would always be there to remind her just why she was doing this. She endured such longing and heartbreak just to be close to him and ensure him that her love for him was strong and unaffected by his reluctance for more touch. 

Just the night before as they shared a bottle of wine after a lesson, he had given her the smallest ghost of a kiss on her cheek. It sent a fire that rippled through her veins, paralyzing her, too scared to move in case this was just a dream and she was only in the Fade. It was no dream, and she could only muster the brightest smile for him when he leaned back and looked into her dark eyes with his forest green. Yes, he loved her. She just knew it.

Now, as she entered the Hanged Man followed by Merrill, her heart was near bursting with anticipation at the thought of seeing her love once more. Varric was standing with Anders near the bar with a new round of ale in their hands followed by Aveline and he grinned and motioned at Hawke for them to go up to his suite. She had always loved meeting with her friends each week for a game of Wicked Grace even though she knew she would always inevitably lose. 

She happily skipped up the steps with her friends on her heel and easily tossed open the door. There was a loud rustle and when she flicked her gaze upward to the scene in front of her, her body had become paralyzed once more but in a completely different way. An uncontrollable, quivering gasp escaped her throat as she stared motionless. 

Isabela sat upon Fenris's lap, her heaving cleavage pressed tightly to his chest as her hands wound their way through his mop of white hair. His hands, for once not covered in gauntlets but still bearing her red ribbon, were wrapped tightly around the pirate with need while his mouth trailed down her neck. Just as the way he had done with her. 

Mugs of ale clattered to the ground but she was too frozen in place to look away. The pair scattered away from each other hastily but it was too late. 

"Broody..." Varric muttered in disbelief, his usually lighthearted voice tinged with anger. She thought she felt Merrill's hand move to her shoulder and a murmur of ' _lethallan_ ' but she could not notice. 

"Karina," Fenris stood quickly, hurrying across the room with his arms reaching out to her but she revolted and spun around. Hot tears had fallen from her cheeks into her dark waves and she hadn't even noticed she was crying. She was shaking, Maker was she shaking. The air was so hot, her throat was wound tight as she tried in vain to swallow the thick lump forming. She would choke in this damned tavern. 

She shoved her way past her friends in a hurry hearing Merrill's sad voice and Anders's harsh tone address the pirate, "Isabela how could you?" 

The usual patrons looked upon her almost sadly as if they knew. Of course they knew, Isabela probably brought him here all the time. She threw herself through the doors and ran as fast as she could to just get away from this place. 

Her hair whipped behind her as her trembling body fought against the pain that threatened to overtake her. She flew through Lowtown and bounded up the steps into Hightown, hoping she could come across a group of bandits she could take out just to make it stop hurting. It couldn't stop hurting, it would not stop. Especially not now. 

Alas, they had cleared the streets of danger recently and she could find no trouble for herself to pour her pain into. Instead she dragged herself back to the estate where her mother had instantly greeted her, noticing her shivering. 

"Karina, darling," her mother hurried forward then. Her mother's arms were around her quickly and she finally let herself go. Broken sobs filled the room as she clung to her mother, praying to the Maker that she didn't even believe in for this all to just go away. 

She loved him so much. Even though they disagreed on some things like magic and the Circle, she had still let herself fall madly in love with the warrior. She had convinced herself that he had shared the same feelings but maybe that wasn't true. Maybe she was nothing more to him than a quick tumble in the sheets, an unsatisfying dalliance. If anyone could satisfy Fenris in bed of course that would be Isabela. 

Hawke was inexperienced and young. She had given Fenris everything she had to offer because she trusted him. She was a fool. A stupid, blighted fool. 

"My little Rina," Leandra murmured as she brushed aside her daughter's long, dark hair. There was nothing she could do but cry for now. 


	2. Chapter 2

She said nothing after his former master stood dead at their feet. He dared look up at her and almost broke into a hysterical sob at the look on her face. 

The faraway look in her dark eyes, her black expressive brows furrowed in obvious pain, the harsh grit of her jaw as she swallowed were all his doing. She was not looking at him, no, she never could do that anymore. 

Now Danarius was dead because of her and his long-lost sister had fled the tavern littered with the bodies of slavers. The only woman he had ever loved had been the one to free him. How fitting. 

"Hawke," he said roughly. Her eyes flicked to his, briefly flashing something hopeful behind them before reverting back to the depressive state they were always in now. 

"Fenris," her voice was so quiet in acknowledgement. She looked away from his intense gaze and shifted uncomfortably. 

"Danarius is dead," was all he could say. 

"You are truly a free man." 

"Rina," Anders hand was on the small of her back, guiding her away from the elf. Her shoulders slackened in understanding and she looked up to the mage gratefully. 

She did not look back as she walked away from him, leaving him alone with the pirate who lifted a mug of ale with a smirk on her face. Hawke had avoided Isabela as well. They had been so very close before. He did not believe Karina would ever forgive either of them. 

He ignored the pirate's beckoning and slowly walked out of the Hanged Man. He needed to get very, very drunk but not in that damned place. Not where his master lay dead, not where he had once stolen so many meaningful glances from Hawke, not where he had fooled himself into believing that sleeping with the pirate would wash away his bitterness, not where she had caught him and her heart had broken. 

Hawke did not visit him anymore. After she had seen him with Isabela, she no longer came by the mansion to continue their reading lessons. He could hardly fault her for that and he hated himself. 

Fenris had no one but himself to blame. Good. He embraced the hatred he felt deep in his bones; he was used to it. This sort of hate was much different than what he had experienced before. He hated himself before for being a slave and for not being whole enough to be what he thought Hawke needed. Now his former master was dead and he was truly free. His life as a slave had not done this to him. His foolishness and his betrayal to Hawke had caused his fall into a black chasm of self loathing. 

Now he would never feel her hand on his again. There would be no more comforting touch from her, no more longing looks during a walk on the Wounded Coast, no more reading lessons. He had forfeited everything as soon as he drunkenly stumbled into Isabela's bed after convincing himself he needed to drown out his feelings for Karina. 

The only thing left for him to do was wallow in self pity and drink himself into oblivion until the pain in his heart numbed. 

 

\---

 

Of course this would be her end. The woman she had once called "friend" had returned with the tome, maybe out of guilt for what she had done to Hawke, she could not really tell. She wanted to scream at the pirate until her lungs burned from exhaustion but instead, she simply nodded solemnly and continued addressing the Arishok. 

Why would she let Isabela go with the Qunari when she had such an opportunity as this? 

"Hawke, don't do this! It's suicide!" Anders was grasping her shoulders tightly, his amber eyes pleading. She smiled sadly and shrugged. 

"Maybe it is. That's okay," was all she could say. Merrill was shivering against Varric who held her hand reassuringly. Aveline stood between Fenris and Isabela as if to keep the two from making any more fools of themselves. 

"Please Karina," Merrill was crying worriedly and she smiled once more at her friend. It was the first beaming smile she had in weeks. 

She couldn't speak anymore and instead tugged her long, dark hair back loosely and unsheathed her daggers. Daring one glance back, just in case this truly would be her death, she met _his_ gaze. His demeanor was as stoic as ever but his eyes... there was genuine fear behind them. She chuckled to herself darkly and looked away bitterly. It would be better this way anyway. 

The Arishok charged at her and the crowd scattered frantically. She jumped away from his massive blades swinging at her and this was how they fought for seemingly hours. The Keep was dead silent except for the shrill of blades meeting and panting from the opponents. There were war cries erupting from the Arishok maniacally as she darted back and forth. 

The Arishok was injured after one of her blades met his side as he fell into a nearby pillar. His breathing was ragged and growing weary by the time she sliced at his chest, knocking him backwards. Before she could run or jump back, his blade plunged into her stomach. Sharp pain seared through her as she was lifted into the air, dangling from his blade and sliding closer to the pommel. It was hot and cold, it was burning and it was so sharp. Her breath was lost in her throat, her eyes stuck on the yellow-eyed Qunari as he finally succumbed to his wounds causing her body to crash to the ground in a heap, the blade being pushed upward through her stomach once more. 

It was agony and her mind was growing foggy. She tried to breath once more but it was so difficult. She thought she heard the shrieking and crying of her friends but she couldn't really be sure anymore. Her head rolled to the side, seeing Anders dashing to her but only seeking the eyes of the only person in the room she wanted. Fenris was glowing, the lyrium rippling across his skin as he shook, watching her in horror. She tried to smile at him and his lip quivered. 

"It will be alright, love. It will be alright," Anders was healing her, she could feel his magic pulsating across her body and thought maybe it would be. She could hear the shouts of "Champion!" across the Keep and the horrified crying, probably about the state she was in. She did not really care. 

She thought of her father. She remembered his smile as he'd taught her to play the lute. She remembered Carver tugging at her legs, urging her to spar with him as children. Mother would be there too. She'd scold Karina about being home too late and then brush her hair just like she always did. It would be okay to see them again. 


End file.
